I had a small wedding and it was great. While I don't think big and/or fancy weddings are necessarily bad, I think sometimes it's more about expectations that actual wants/needs. It's important to find what would work for you, regardless of how common it is and how other people would see it.
Because I've always though marriage should be like a lease, that is, you get it for, say, 3 or 5 years, and can renew it or not (it seems ridiculous to me that one partner saying "I want a divorce" wouldn't be enough for the divorce to be effective. You need everyone involve to want the relationship for it to even exist, in my opinion), I'm more the kind to want regular vow renewals with small ceremonies rather than one single big fancy thing.
And if a wedding becomes more stressful than something you look forward to, there is a problem!
Whatever happens in the end, I hope it will be what works best for you guys and will make you very happy.