So something went click this weekend...
So as TP has attested we had a discussion revolving around redefining boundaries. I always wanted her ring on mainly as a mark to stave of cowboys; but I've realized after spending a lot of time with Mr. A that he's not one.
He's been considerate of my relationship with TP, my feelings regarding our time together and more. Frankly I like him as a friend too; we get along well. All that being said, I was more than happy to make his life a little easier by letting the ring come off IF/when TP meets Mr. A's family. I told him as much, and I know Mr. A still has a touch of the other man syndrome, so I am doing all I can to show him he's welcome in my home by me and by telling him outright. I've gone ahead and extended him more time with TP, even with it's me making all of us dinner.
I guess it just clicked on the weekend that she's not going anywhere she won't come back to me...that she loves me and will be with me. Some things still have to battle out of my reptile brain, but for the first time in several months I feel 100% like I can handle this. I can handle poly.
I could attribute it to good communication, putting some of my needs first...I mean not sacrificing my needs and pushing my boundaries too far too fast to try and please TP, which I had been doing...I'm a recovering cynic, so part of me still goes back to that to say that part of it is I have found someone who wants to be with me, add to the pseudonyms: LS, and is accepting of my life, all of it. LS and TP are talking online a little bit, I still sense LS is a little hesitant, but she talks it out....and her first reaction was one I've experienced before with a twist: she had trouble coming to grips with what she felt was the finite nature of our relationship; here's the twist she was upset about hurting me....in our talk she was upset that she was eventually going to end up leaving me....so we made a deal that she will eventually leave for her 'one' and I won't hold it against her.
So I'd like to think it's a combination of those things, but I am fortunate to have stuck this out because it's helped me to start to work through my jealousy and trust issues, insecurities, and my tendency to internalize my own feelings....I have always felt like the middle child syndrome was made for me (I'm a twin, but treated like the middle child) and always put my needs second; now I am making choices I want and I need and not just sacrificing a bit of myself for people I am with or family....and it feels good.
Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.