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Old 09-21-2010, 12:28 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,443

Hi there, TeJoko!

I've only ever had orgasms during intercourse with one man, my husband. Even though, it's because my clitoris rubs against him, and I only reach orgasms with specific conditions, hardly all the time.

I don't think you're defective at all, I was talking with a friend today and she was talking about how she's never had an orgasm during intercourse, either.

You know how there is foreplay, and for guys intercourse is often the "main course"? Well that friend of mine kind of feels the other way. Intercourse for her is the "foreplay" or more the "middleplay", as her boyfriend typically gets her off once before it and once after (in various ways).
Sometimes she masturbates while he's inside. I've tried and don't like it. It "disturbs" my signals to have something inside while I'm using my hand. But if I rub my whole body against his, I get some clitoral stimulation this way.

It seems you're not interested in that, though. But from what I know, vaginal orgasm is a type of clitoral orgasm too, just with stimulating the clitoris from the inside, which rarely works by itself. And those women who can come during intercourse, how much foreplay did they get? Do they have to come once before? Do they have to get very close in other ways first?

You say "sex" but then you seem to be talking about intercourse only. That's hardly all there is about sex. Do you dislike all the rest?

For me, sex is about intimacy and sharing. Masturbation, when done on its own, doesn't provide that. Orgasms aren't essential, and I've had times before when I had sex and neither partner had an orgasm. There was still a point though, to me sex isn't about the orgasm or we'd just masturbate.

I definitely think any guy who pressures you or leads you to believe you're defective is doing it wrong. I was just reading an article the other day about how we're led to believe women should be able to come from intercourse, and women are led to believe something is wrong with them if they can't. It said that at least half the women couldn't and that meant the norm is not being able to, not the other way around.

I'll try to find the article again as I remember I found it very informative, and it seems to apply to your case.

EDIT: a few links

How to help a female partner reach orgasms (meant for male partners, but interesting either way)
How to reach orgasms (from the same website, targeted to women)
Answer to someone asking a similar question to yours
Other answer to similar question
And another one
Myths about female orgasms

In conclusion, I think your question "how can I achieve orgasm through intercourse with no other stimulation whatsoever?" is as likely to find a satisfactory answer as "How can I relive an itch on my nose by scratching my chin?". It just doesn't work that way for most people.
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual

Last edited by Tonberry; 09-21-2010 at 12:39 AM.
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