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Old 09-20-2010, 11:27 PM
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MindfulAgony MindfulAgony is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Seattle, WA
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Time to melt into poly fi land... Maybe things are getting way normal and I should disappear.

Thanks derby. Its actually not that important to me. What I wanted to know also about poly fi is if its something that is a goal for people? Is it something to strive for that is honourable? Or is it a cop out kind of poly? I see it as such for others, but maybe its what I have experienced so far. And maybe its an age and stage thing.
I don't think it's a cop out at all. Not any more than I think Monogamy is a cop out. I imagine a polyfi family could be quite a powerful, loving experience. I'm not sure it's right for me. But, I can see the attraction to it. It is not a goal for me though I wouldn't rule it out with the right wickedly awesome bunch of folks.

Originally Posted by rabbit View Post
I think the word just means long term / life long commitments involving multiple people. It seems that a lot of people use it to imply exclusivity (no adding of partners) but I don't think it has to mean that.

Regardless of the meaning, people should not be using the word as an insult or labeling you. You are the only one who is allowed to stick labels on yourself!
As I understand, the differentiating factor in poly-fi arrrangments is the commitment to exclusivity within the group. As such, introducing new partners is a full group exercise. Perhaps not. I imagine that for this to work, you'd have to be very slow to add and slow to remove (akin to the barriers to entry and exit that exist with marriage). They are good for the stability of the unit. I've never heard anyone assume that they are closed, hermitcally sealed. On the other hand, the requirements for taking on new members may indeed seem too involved for some.

Maybe even the above contains too many assumptions beyond the basic notion of exclusivity within a defined group of people. How that group gets defined and redefined could be as varied as the number of groups out there.... at some point, however, you slip out of polyfi and into something else if the group is too easily or frequently redefined.

So, maybe, nevermind.
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