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Old 09-20-2010, 08:44 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

I find it interesting because some people in my community call me poly-fi, yet I wonder if sex for them is based on the same things I experience. There seems, from the outside, that they have sex for recreation as well as to connect... yet I wonder if they have the capacity to do so without the sex?

I wonder this because I have known people who, when they here that I am not available for sex, they don't know how to act around me, don't know how to relate to me and aren't used to being friends or close to someone that is not sexually available. I have known this in my mono life for sure. It's like, "she is not available so I won't bother getting to know her."

It makes me feel that I am not worth anything to them and it makes me feel in turn that the term poly-fi is in someway less than or not valid and that the people who decide on this kind of poly, what ever it means to them, are secluded and in their own world that is a part from the rest of the poly world. They have in some way sold out... or are on a different path that is far from poly that is more open sexually.
The people who are worth getting to know are going to be people who are willing to put in the time to get to know you, and not just with the hope of one day being able to get into your pants! I know that there are some out there who just see everyone as a potential bedmate but it isn't the majority.

I know from experience that people can find close, non-sexual friendships very threatening. My best friend's partner recently admitted that to me. She couldn't figure out how 2 people could be so intimately connected with each other and it not be a sexual thing. It never has been though and never will be, neither of us are interested in pursuing that.

You shouldn't have to be available to everyone for sex for them to appreciate you for who you are. Isn't there something about poly thinking of letting relationships with people develop into whatever they're going to be? Just let them label you however they want to, if you don't want the label for yourself, don't take it on! There is no one right way to do poly. There are plenty of people who love and appreciate you for who you are and not for how you conduct your relationships.

Everything will be ok in the end. If it's not ok it's not the end.
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