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Old 09-20-2010, 07:45 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

I wonder this because I have known people who, when they here that I am not available for sex, they don't know how to act around me, don't know how to relate to me and aren't used to being friends or close to someone that is not sexually available. I have known this in my mono life for sure. It's like, "she is not available so I won't bother getting to know her."

It makes me feel that I am not worth anything to them and it makes me feel in turn that the term poly-fi is in someway less than or not valid and that the people who decide on this kind of poly, what ever it means to them, are secluded and in their own world that is a part from the rest of the poly world. They have in some way sold out... or are on a different path that is far from poly that is more open sexually.
Hrm. That's a tough one and it is understandable that you would feel put out by this.

I think at least a small part of it might be(and I can't say for certain as I don't know the people or community in question) part of the purpose of the larger poly community.

From what I've noticed, people seem to get involved in the larger community for four reasons. Either to date, to get their "Poly 101" info, because something has gone horribly wrong, or they want a social circle.

The people that are there for 101 tend to fall out pretty quickly(and are easy to spot). The people for whom things have gone horribly wrong also tend to fall out fairly quickly(and are even easier to spot). That leaves the social circle people and the daters.

The thing is that nobody wants to admit that they are a dater(it's like The Game. If you admit you are a dater, you lose.) and(as they don't have a something wrong story and have gotten the basics) tend to pass themselves off as social circle people(in some cases even to themselves).

I would imagine you have(unfortunately) stumbled across a great way to find out if someone is a social circle person or a dater. If someone is in it just for the friends, they don't care what you do in your sex life. A dater on the other hand would find out you are unavailable, tick you off their "girls what I can have sex with" list and move on.
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