The only strategy I've been able to come up with that doesn't involve directly mentioning his behavior was thus: Asking her, "What is the nature of your relationship with your boyfriend? Are either of you more committed to polyamory/openness, or is it fairly equal? Does he express any pain or discomfort about sharing you with me or anyone else?"
At least then I'd confirm where she perceives things to be, and have some insight into whether he is fudging the truth, or perhaps that the two of them have not properly communicated the status of their bond lately.
I see your point, Confused. This is already making me unhappy, and it would not be healthy for this uncertainty to continue. And Redpepper, your advice seems sound, as well. Even if he truly is trying to play to my sensitivity to get rid of me, he's not committing treason, and my discussing his behavior with the girl probably doesn't constitute some big breach of privacy on my part.
Last edited by monaural; 09-20-2010 at 07:45 PM.