Originally Posted by Vinccenzo
I am very wary of NRE. I use to only identify it as this element that made affairs so damaging. I attributed it as being something that fogs up one person's head and draws faulty conclusions that a previously established partner cannot compete with. Two people build a history made up of both positive and negative associations with each other. With no one else in the picture, both can be objective and see the good as well as the bad.
Then along comes a new person and with them they bring: a belly of enjoyable butterflies, new stories and a newness to your own stories, an unmapped body, and initially, no clue what flaws you have. You get to be this uber person compared to the flawed person your established partner knows. And they get to be this seemingly care free perfect person to you.
At some point the spouse, or the person having the NRE has to be convinced in the strength of experience and time. Maybe someone needs to go back to the way it was in the beginning, the feelings, the wanton need. The "used to" feeling of having a long term partner should be just as strong as NRE, its just...different. My love and long term relationship desire of my wife is very strong and stable. Riding the NRE wave with anyone new needs to be looked at logically. Eventually it will end, what do you have then?...
The flip side, if someone is letting nre get out of control like that, is what happens when it leaves and the "new" person becomes a simple spouse. If it is the NRE they are after than that not a relationship building on a good foundation. Its a relationship being built on the drugs pouring from your brain into your genitals.
So I identify NRE with a clouding of judgment that creates an unfair bias. Never again can I give my husband the high of successfully telling an amusing story from his college days. He knows my best anecdotal stories too. While I know unrest will find me through out my life, I am centered enough in my day to day to not be able to be a damsel in distress to him. I know the vast majority of his weaknesses just as he knows mine. And we've driven all over each others body. And all the pesky stresses of marriage, parenting, and finances keep things from being carefree. In this way, neither of us can compete in the realm of NRE rush. I worry NRE will be, by far, our biggest hurdle.
Be aware, and understand what NRE is. Talk about it and point it out. Mistakes can be made, but if everyone is open to listening and hearing about it, you will hopefully find you won't make really bad mistakes. The only thing I am finding that can help slow NRE to a managable and usable tool is logic.
I am a bit of a wave rider with NRE. I take it when I can get it and when I can't, I try not to wallow to much. I tend to do a decent job, however I did have some moments. It all hits us, we just have to use that thing the animals don't have much of, a brain. And try and work through the potential spirals. And hopefully your partners can help you pull out of any bad waves