Had a fabulous family weekend again. On Sunday the boys brewed, and we had some other friends over to join in the process. I felt really lucky because all of these friends were aware that we're poly, if not overly familiar with what poly means, and I was able to relax and be affectionate and speak normally. It's always an awkward situation when I make a slip and refer to Sunday as my husband or Asha as my wife in front of friends who aren't aware. One of the friends, P, has just been told by his wife that she wants a divorce. She's flown with the kids to visit family, so he's alone this week, and yesterday was his birthday. I can't help feeling sorry for him. There was a huge amount of talk about what's going on in his life--this is the kind of thing that Asha thrives on, so she spent a large amount of the time talking to him. I don't know that she can help in this case, but she helped when Easy and I were tottering on the edge of that precipice, so who knows?
P talked about how awful their love life was, and I was completely shocked. Even when Easy and I were at our worst, I think the longest we went without sex was six weeks. I mean, I know that you can go without sex :P but what I'm saying is, I find the sex in my relationships very connecting. I put a lot of emotion into it. When there's no sex or touch at all, I feel disconnected, alone, floating loose, and it's tough on me. How incredibly sad, then, to have only one person to feel connected to and have nothing from them for YEARS. I'm trying to look at this from the standpoint of someone who isn't so invested in touching, but I'm having a tough time.
I'm also slightly upset at his wife, M, who is also a friend. She used to be a really close friend! She knew that we were poly almost from the beginning, and it used to be such a joy to be around her because we didn't have to hide who we were. A couple of weekends ago, M was over at Asha's house and we were discussing how another friend thought Sunday was the best thing ever and disapproved of how Asha treated him. Of course this was completely unfair and we all said so, but M said, "I just don't see it." No one knew how to take it or exactly what to say and M left soon after. Yesterday, we found out from P that when we all left the area--they were on the patio--M was apparently "all over" Sunday.
This seems like crazy behavior from someone we knew and trusted. Of course Asha is more bothered by the fact that someone who she thought was her friend is judging her and finding her lacking. But I'm hugely upset by the disrespect to our relationship. Not only did M think that she was trying to wreck a marriage, but she also knew about me. She knew that we were poly-fidelitous and she disrespected the secondary relationship, too. Why on earth? We were good friends.
There were a lot of shocking things. I guess I'm still trying to work it all out.