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Old 09-20-2010, 05:04 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

If it is physical intimacy she is looking for and not a relationship that is similar to yours yet different, then it isn't poly she is looking for. Maybe an open relationship or swinging would work better for her. Poly is about loving several people at one time and enjoying the differences and similarities of them all... sure, sex is a part of that, but it is the loving nature of relationships that comes first.

I would wonder what your goals are in life. and what are hers? I don't know anything about you, so here are some questions to ask your self and discuss with her.

What do you see the future together to look like, kids, house, marriage? Are these things that you would feel fine about doing just the two of you or could you foresee doing this with many people and forming a large chosen family?

Do you want to base your future on working on career, traveling, doing something that drives you? How will that fit in to the amount of work two or more partners would entail? It's a struggle to balance, and have time. How does that factor in to what you want to do with your life down the line?

Are you interested in being alone and having a lot of your own time? Would that work for you or do you prefer to always be with your loved ones and know they are available when you need them to be? Are you okay with spending your time with other people that your partner has a relationship with? Would you want to be involved in their lives? Would you want to share someone?

These are all based on her wanting to be poly... as I said earlier I would wonder if it is in fact poly she thinks she wants. If it is this might be a good place to start discussions on what she wants and needs and what you want and need. Stay as honest as possible, stay open to her thoughts and be respectful to one another... you might be surprised that there is something in it for you or you might find that this woman is not going to work out for you in this way and you need to move on... that will be reveled.

Agreed that you and her should get reading along with your discussion. There is lots to read on here. Do a tag search or search for what interests you... read the threads that have been posted in the nuggets and stickies provided. There is lots to do and lots of time to do it...
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