Originally Posted by openmarriagelove
I just joined, but I can't help to read your post and feel like I should help. My day job is a sex educator and so perhaps my credentials will help you believe the previous answer a little more. Only 23-27% of American women actually have an orgasm from sex. Many friends lie because like you they think it's not normal if they're not having an orgasm from sex. And by sex I mean the most common referred to action of penis in vagina. Sex to everyone is different and to some means no penetration at all, but from reading I think to you it means penetration.
Without understanding your body you're going to continue to be frustrated that you feel like you're not being normal in your sex practices. However if you had any idea how common it is for women to be frustrated like you because they are not having an orgasm with their partner inside of them you'd feel much more normal.
I would really recommend getting more comfortable with understanding how orgasm and your vagina works before working on it with your partner as a personal understanding helps in connecting with your partner much more. He's not very far off base asking for intimacy without orgasm. This is very common and can be acheived if you take the equation of sex and make it simpler. To some poeple sex starts from the minute they get up with a sexy note they leave for their partner before they leave for work, or a sexy text they send, or the fact that they went out of their way to grab something special for dinner because they knew their partner had a rough day. When you confine labeling "sex" to just when penetration occurs in the bedroom you restrict your mind and body to all kinds of experiences of intimacy and sensation and absolute wonderfulness that is waiting for you if you're willing to experience it. I'd strongly suggest reading I Love Female Orgasm and try reconnecting with yourself.
I understand my body better than anyone my age could really hope to. I have had a lot of damn sex, probably more than many people twice my age (more than my mother and my sister, who both have vaginal orgasms.) I don't have female friends. I have been asking my mother, my sister, my boyfriend's girlfriend. Even my exboyfriend's girlfriend. All can do it except me. I have been told its age, but one of them is 21, so I call bullshit on that.
Sex starts when SEX starts. Words are not sex. I don't get horny from words that come from someone I've known for years... only from people I am just meeting. I can be turned on by people I've known for years, sometimes, but I usually just shave sex out of obligation with them. I HATE that about me and am going to see a psychologist for it... so all these people telling me just not to do it isn't helping what so ever. I want to understand, not just NOT do it.
Please explain how restricting sex to what sex actually is is restricting my and and body. I mean, if all those things you mentioned are sex, then I have sex with my mom, just without the physical stuff... except when she hugs me against my will. (I HATE being touched when I am upset, but she just says "I'm your mother", which to me means she should know better or care more, but whatever.)
Also under that logic I can have sex with my boyfriend without him knowing... or have sex with him while he is at work then not even touch him when he gets home. That just makes no sense to me.