Originally Posted by Lover2all
i don't necessarily want to share this person with her...i meant more sharing her experience with me in the sense of verbalizing it and talking to me about it...and i do want to know this person she's seeing because really...i think we would have a lot in common and ultimately, i think that's how i envision poly...hanging out on occassion together...kickin it...with all parties involved...and being okay with that...and i also know you can't make another person want something they don't...both in the sense of me wanting her to want me sexually and me wanting to hang out with her new relationship person...
i know two weeks ago, immediately after dealing with the death in my family, i was in a sore spot due to really old abandonment issues and grieving that was getting layered and all mixe up in this and couldn't articulate and understand a lot of that but i do now...we have a history of 9 yrs living together and almost 16 of knowing one another...make no bones about it, i'm sure there are some attachment issues and i also know in my heart and head that i love her for everything she is and isn't and everything in between and want her in my life and looking for ways to progress to living day to day and big picture life healthily and happily...
are there any less hardline, maybe more experiential strategies that have worked for folks in similar situations? i guess i'm looking for something tangible that doesn't push anyone into ultimatums or not feeling fulfilled...because ultimately i'm fulfilled, it doesn't take much to be honest, i'm really self sufficient and independent and also want to feel valued, loved and respected...and my feelings are more on the 'desiring' and wanting side of things...than 'need'...i want to be loved in a 'whole' way by her and at the same time, i don't need that to be happy...
If she is determined to be with this new person, then sharing her is the best you are going to get....my fault I didn't explain myself clearly....you don't have to share the other person.... for instance in my case my relationship is with my wife and is as normal as we can make it during my 4 days..then she goes off and has a separate relationship with him for 3 days. In 8 weeks I have only met the other guy a handful of times..we respect each other but don't want to be in each other's lives. Our wife is what holds us together. That's the Vee.
I am not so sure you don't want to be needed...and you DO need to be happy, and you don't sound fulfilled. Not trying to be harsh. I can feel your pain.
You have to find out what is really in her heart and go from there.Talk to her.