Thanks for your kind and thoughtful response, phoenix. Yes, my boyfriend is poly, but he's a newbie. I am his first outside relationship. He has told me he would not be living as poly if his wife wasn't gay. Yes, they are still together. I don't see that lasting long term because there are no children and their relationship doesn't seem very solid to me overall, but for now, they are still together. I believe she stays with him for financial reasons, possibly also because she has been unsuccessful so far at finding a girlfriend for herself. I've met her and she seems very cold to him, but I know he cares about her and wishes her well.
I am thinking that perhaps boyfriend just has never spent any significant time around someone who was warm and affectionate and caring, and literally does not know how to handle it. I feel bad for him, and I know I am fortunate because I have always had physical affection and love in my life. I hope I can help him evolve.