Thread: Quad Family
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Old 09-16-2010, 02:35 AM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix762 View Post
Just wanted to say that I thought that comment was so sweet. You must have very special children. How adorable;0D
-oh, and the 16 yo having trouble with your relationship? I'd venture to say that's mostly a teen thing...you know, trying to assert their independence?
Monkey is a sweetheart, very loving and accepting. I didn't realize that she knew as much about our quad until she started making comments like this. She's my easy kid. But all of the younger kids are pretty accepting. They spent tonight trying to convince us to move in together.

I think that Moose, my 16 yo, thought that my marriage was in trouble. He seemed quite angry, and we told him that we were in a committed relationship with Asha and Sunday in the hopes that it would give him some sense of stability and also to show him that we didn't feel we were doing anything wrong. We thought he was old enough to know that these people were going to be a big part of our lives for a long time. When we talked to him about having more adults who loved him, he said that he thought love should be between two people. We just keep acting like we're doing nothing wrong and keep trying to raise him like a normal family. He's my difficult kid. He was born sick, he spent his first six months in and out of the hospital, and he was in NICU for two of those months. I couldn't even hold him for the first five days, and we didn't know if he'd live. I think this caused some bonding problems, and he's always been horribly independent and tough to talk to. When I say horribly independent, I mean that I never knew what was going on with him, even when horrible things happened. He wouldn't let me take care of him. He had anger issues and definitely showed signs of being somewhat aspberger's. A few months after we became a quad, we got him into counseling and it has helped--that, and the continuing process of growing up.

I need to stress that we knew Asha and Sunday for years before we became a quad, so they weren't strangers who just wandered into Moose's life. (I'm told that I met them almost five years ago, but my memories of them only go back about four years.) Also, thanks to the improved communication skills we learned, we were able to determine that part of his problem is that he needs to feel stable, and we were making him feel unstable by spending so much time at Asha and Sunday's house. He needed to feel the stability provided by his own familiar environment, i.e. his house and his room. (This is a very aspberger's type symptom, I'm told.) We work with him to improve his ability to tell us what his needs are--like I said, this has never been his strong suit--and to recognize when he's getting overstimulated or stressed out. We also try to introduce change gradually and give him as much control over his own life as possible

I think he wants to rebuild his relationship with Asha and Sunday, but he's afraid that he's been so difficult that they won't love him. I have to wonder if he was so afraid that they wouldn't love him that he tried to wreck his relationship with them. He has a lot of the same problems that I do. I worry about him a lot.
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