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Old 09-14-2010, 08:20 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
What do you do when your partner is in pain, you have the power to end that pain, but to do so would cause you pain?

Either way, I lose. My husband is in enough pain that it is affecting OUR relationship, but to end the paIn means I would hurt and possibly affect our relationship.

So what the fuck do I do?
Are you talking physical pain? I know your hubby is unwell and has health issues... is this what you are referring to?

In terms of relationship pain... I would not do something that would cause me pain. In the end it would mean no one would be happy. Instead I would keep negotiating and keep at figuring out how to work things out so there is a balance that is sustainable, fair and causes the most happiness. I try and make it as win win as I can along with the help of all those involved...

Something else that I have noted is a big factor in the ease of these kinds of things is time... time dulls emotions so that we may be able to deal with them more efficiently. There seems to be more affect in change when there is adequate time given to allow what needs to manifest to have space.

It's amazing to me how strong we all can be, sometimes emotional pain means a shift to something better than we thought possible. Something unforeseen that would not of come if there was not a painful process. I think that just like jealousy, one needs to walk through it, pick it apart and see what the reasons are for it... usually there is an un-met need there I would think. How can that need be met?

I have just been through some pain with the process of creating some space and time for myself. I went on a five year journey or longer with it. Mono became entangled in all of that and if it weren't for time and walking through the pain, I would not of come to the realization that I am not getting a basic need met in my life. That of privacy. I think this kind of process needs a lot of respect, but I don't think we should give something up to make others happy and relieved of their emotions.
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