View Single Post
  #36  
Old 09-14-2010, 02:31 AM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 96
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Hysterical! I hae a habit of over-explaining too!
TY. It is hard to reach the perfect balance, but I still try. However, I find that an assumption of good faith helps a lot. Hence why I didn't take offense. I assumed you were acting in good faith. You, it seems are doing the same. With a difficult subject it helps a great deal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Ouch. That's heartbreaking!
Yeah. It would almost be easier if I didn't know how she felt and/or I didn't care for the guy in question. However, such is not the case. I used to pride myself on being able to get along well with the people that I'm not physically intimate with in poly relationships.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Welll....... I think that would be true for everyone really, because if none of us desired sex... we wouldn't fight about or even care about our SO's having sex with other people.... Yes? Or am I still confused?
You are on the right track, but it is even more than that. When I think back on my dating past, since my first kiss right up until today, every poor relationship decision I have made, without exception, is because of sexual desire. Every girl that I started dating who was a bad fit, every girl that I kept dating when I shouldn't have, every girl I stopped dating who was a good fit, all because of sex. As it stands, I am not really so concerned about my SO having sex with other people. I don't have a whole lot of emotional needs and, if worse comes to worse, I can hire a therapist. If I need physical touch, I can go to a cuddle party. Whatever the needs I have are, I can finagle, think, or buy my way out of it and it be totally ethical. Except one.

Before I was poly it was only extremely irritating because love and other people weren't on the line. With poly there are other people on the line.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Ok, I can't say I understand you feeling that way-but I at least do understand what you are saying about the sex negativity now.
See? It's all very internally consistent. That is not to say that I'm saying I'm 100% right, but I do claim internal consistency.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Well.... frankly I think this is not selfish or "bad" either....It would really hurt if I ran out and pushed my child from the road and I got hit by a mac truck. If I lived through it (God forbid) I think I'd feel good about it even though it really really hurt.
BUT-if I give up on having my needs met in a relationship, but stay in the relationship, just so the other person can get all of their needs met, I would feel hollow and stupid (which I know because I've done it before). Furthermore-it wouldn't be healthy for me or the other person for me to do that...
Y'see, that's the punchline. Right now I'm pretty much superfluous as far as meeting her needs. She doesn't really have any sexual needs, she has someone else she cohabitates with, and she has other people for social stuff. The primary need I fill for her is venting and mental crisis control. Much like my other female friends.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

Hmmmm. Ok, on that note I'm not sure if I want to look into him or not.
Well, I can sum it up for you quickly and cleanly. He is just as much of a monster as you think he is. Perhaps even more.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Makes perfect sense to me. I think one of the key ways to avoid falling into a potential pit is to know it's there. Thus all my "nosy" questions.
Well, if I can tell you anything, it would be this. Do not assume that the worst could happen, but do not assume it won't either. Be prepared either way.
Reply With Quote