Thank you, LR, I think you're right. I'm working on what to say and how to say it. I think I'll e-mail, which is not ideal--you can't read emotion well in e-mail--but I also often feel like I don't actually say what I tried to say when I attempt it in person. I guess I just realized that I'm also uncomfortable with e-mail because written words can be used against you. I'm scared.
My problem is, Asha was my closest friend, the one that you can tell anything and get an honest answer, and the one who had the most insight. Now, I hide from her because I guess maybe I'm scared she won't love me if she sees the real me. I'm scared to be too needy, too clingy, to neurotic, too angry, too weak, too whiny, so I try to project this image and hide when I'm scared or hurt or even just crabby. I just might be waiting for someone to leave me. As I said, I have a lot of trouble with faith.
I'm not very brave. I'm going to do it, though.
Thank you, Jade. I find being helpful a compliment, so I'm happy.