View Single Post
Old 09-13-2010, 09:43 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

PLEASE feel free to tell me it's none of my business. I'm not trying to be nosy-I'm sincerely interested because I by nature look for what things can be fixed but only with a major, imaginative and unusual solution.
Being poly has shown me, in painful detail, all of the flaws that I can't really do anything about and that wouldn't have come up otherwise.
Physical flaws? Mental flaws? Emotional Flaws?

I got to watch someone that I love so, so much gradually slip away from me.
? As in leave you, or as in grow distant emotionally? (I'm sorry-you likely also already wrote this stuff out somewhere on here, but I've been out of the loop with the board for the last 3 months due to having limited internet access).

I got to see the questions that used to kindof bother me and that nobody has been able to answer for over a thousand yeaers bother me even more now because of being poly.
This one I'm very interested in. There's so many questions I've had for my lifetime that I've found answers to in Poly. But there are so many more that I wonder about in regards to non-romantic relationships that are bothering me right now... I'd love to talk more on this topic.....

The sex negativity that used to be only kindof an issue? With poly it's a "smack you in the face" issue. It also happens to be an issue that I can't fix unless I totally reconstruct my psyche at a deep level.
I'm unsure what you mean by this. Is it someone else's sex negativity, your own or just in general? I'm not (I don't think) sex negative. However, I'm also not...... hmmm what's the word... I'm a little like Mono describes on here. I feel like there is a special "energy" (for lack of a better term) that I share with people I have sex with, and I'm NOT willing or interested in sharing that with "just anyone" who I find sexually attractive........ scratching my head as I ponder myself....

I got to realize that I am just as selfish, just as mean, and quite a bit more sadistic than most people. And I got to see that I can't do a thing to change it because it's based on a trait that everyone talks about but that I just don't have(that being that "glowing" or "happy" feeling people get when they do stuff for other people without reward. I just don't feel that. I thought I did but I just don't.).
Hmmmm, how do you define more selfish, mean, sadistic and "most people"?

I don't really grasp the full concept of what you are saying.

And I'm really confused as to how you thought you could get a happy feeling when you do stuff for other people but now you see that you don't... ?

And for that I have gotten...the ability to watch people have screaming arguments and stay calm.
Do you mean you stay calm while other people are screaming in arguments?

I was much happier when I thought I had much more in common with Gandhi than Goebbels.
I don't know who Goebbels is.

I'm sorry-now I read what I wrote and it sounds like I'm just tearing apart all that you've said; but that's not my intention at all. I'm just very interested in what you have to say.

I think it's important ESPECIALLY since I've had the experience of it being worth it for me, to take the time to understand why and how it's NOT been that for other people. Since I started this thread-and thus far you are the only one whose commented that it HAS NOT been worth it for you-I'm highly interested in your experience with it.

I hope that explains my "tone" in my questions.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote