Thread: Quad Family
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:10 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510


This thought is running through my head, so bare with me if it isn't pertinent or is confusing...

Maca had (has) MAJOR insecurity issues in regards to our relationship, particularly since I cheated on him with GG before we ever agreed to polyamory.

One of the things I told him that has helped A LOT (by his own admission and my observations as well) is that when he's feeling insecure, "get involved".
He often feels insecure because he feels left out or uninvolved AND THEREFORE unwanted/unneeded. But the truth is that we aren't AWARE of these emotions inside of him, if we did, we would WANT to help.
SO, if he's feeling uninvolved or left out-now he comes up and GETS involved.
Example, if I am cuddling on the couch with GG and Maca feels that way, he will come over and ask to cuddle too. We'll reconfigure (if necessary, though usually there is already room) and pull him into our cuddle moment. Then he gets the attention and loving that he needs to feel reassured.

Here's the kicker ok.... IT DOES NOT BOTHER GG OR I. In fact, it makes both of us feel BETTER when he lets us know that something is bothering him. BECAUSE-we can ALREADY TELL that SOMETHING is wrong, and if he doesn't say anything we're left feeling somewhat "left out" by him.

ALL OF THAT to say-

I think you NEED to tell Asha.
You go into great detail about how difficult it is to talk with Sunday, how difficult to communicate. That is her husband. She's well used to that type of "non-communication". So if you are CHOOSING to keep your emotions to yourself, you are effectively tying her hands.
She might actually feel GOOD about you telling her that you are having a struggle and needing some reassurance. It might make her feel like she has the ability to do something good for YOU by cuddling you, reassuring you.

It's not a matter of asking her to NOT do the things she is doing with Easy. It's a matter of asking her to do some things with you ALSO.

If it were me and Maca (with you and Easy) and you were keeping it to yourself.. I am unbelievably good at "sensing" an internal struggle. I'd be frustrated with you not confiding in me as a FRIEND. You are a quad-and by your own admission friends.
If on the otherhand you said, "I love knowing that you and Easy are so close and comfortable with one another. I wouldn't want to change that. It's just that right now I'm really feeling emotional and need some TLC." I would feel like you opened a door to me and I would WANT to help you with that. I would want to give you attention and TLC.....
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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