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Old 09-13-2010, 08:49 PM
DharmaBum23 DharmaBum23 is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Jersey
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Do you care to elaborate or no?

I'm sorry. It sucks when one takes a step in life and finds that it's more pain and suffering than benefit. I feel that way right now about our aborted attempt to move.
Well, it's like this.

Being poly has shown me, in painful detail, all of the flaws that I can't really do anything about and that wouldn't have come up otherwise.

I got to watch someone that I love so, so much gradually slip away from me.

I got to see the questions that used to kindof bother me and that nobody has been able to answer for over a thousand yeaers bother me even more now because of being poly.

The sex negativity that used to be only kindof an issue? With poly it's a "smack you in the face" issue. It also happens to be an issue that I can't fix unless I totally reconstruct my psyche at a deep level.

I got to realize that I am just as selfish, just as mean, and quite a bit more sadistic than most people. And I got to see that I can't do a thing to change it because it's based on a trait that everyone talks about but that I just don't have(that being that "glowing" or "happy" feeling people get when they do stuff for other people without reward. I just don't feel that. I thought I did but I just don't.).

And for that I have gotten...the ability to watch people have screaming arguments and stay calm.

I was much happier when I thought I had much more in common with Gandhi than Goebbels.
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