Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
Do you care to elaborate or no?
I'm sorry. It sucks when one takes a step in life and finds that it's more pain and suffering than benefit. I feel that way right now about our aborted attempt to move.  |
Well, it's like this.
Being poly has shown me, in painful detail, all of the flaws that I can't really do anything about and that wouldn't have come up otherwise.
I got to watch someone that I love so, so much gradually slip away from me.
I got to see the questions that used to kindof bother me and that nobody has been able to answer for over a thousand yeaers bother me even more now because of being poly.
The sex negativity that used to be only kindof an issue? With poly it's a "smack you in the face" issue. It also happens to be an issue that I can't fix unless I totally reconstruct my psyche at a deep level.
I got to realize that I am just as selfish, just as mean, and quite a bit more sadistic than most people. And I got to see that I can't do a thing to change it because it's based on a trait that everyone talks about but that I just don't have(that being that "glowing" or "happy" feeling people get when they do stuff for other people without reward. I just don't feel that. I thought I did but I just don't.).
And for that I have gotten...the ability to watch people have screaming arguments and stay calm.
I was much happier when I thought I had much more in common with Gandhi than Goebbels.