Originally Posted by vodkafan
What you said about feeling fragile made me realise something though LMBL. In the first month, just at the times when I needed my wife to be demonstrative that she loved ME and still wanted me, she would seem a bit withdrawn and distant. I thought she was being hard, unfeeling. I realise now she had to be like that to preserve her sanity. She was getting stress from both of us.
I get this stressed feeling a lot. I have learned how to hide it in order to be there for either man or my girlfriend when I need to. Sometimes I have to suck it up for a bit in order to make sure they know that everything is good. It has taken practice. There is no room for me to be a princess in all this. not that things aren't good. Most of the time I am just overwhelmed with not having had time for myself. Once I get that time, I find that if I have made one last ditch effort to make sure all know that they are important to me, then I won't have to work extra hard to do so later... whoever said that poly is about having ones cake and eating it too is full of shit. It really doesn't work like that...
I agree with Sage.
Originally Posted by sage
...or maybe you should just hold tight and let the current emotional turmoil settle before contemplating causing anymore......
To maintain your relationships you are going to have to be really, really stable in your position so that both the men in your life can feel stable in theirs. This is obviously also bringing up your husband's insecurities now that your boyfriend is available, hence original fight. Fights are not always about what they seem to be about at first glance.
A lot of the time, waiting for a couple of days or even waiting to see if there is a cycle to some issues means that there is more evidence that they should be addressed. Most of the times there is little to nothing behind turmoil... I agree also that being stable in your position means that partners can rely on you to be an anchor. At least in the beginning. Things change, sure, but if the fundamentals (common values for instance) to relationships don't then the foundation can be built and partners can rely on that and fall back on what you have said and have come to show in day to day life.