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Old 09-12-2010, 03:12 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,365

Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
It seems to me it's just hard for him because he's been expecting and wanting something for so long: a "normal" life progression of getting married, buying a house, having children, and so on, you know, the traditional model.
Now he found a special someone but can't marry her. So there is a contradiction for him. He wants to find someone just like you... but not married.
Some people want "the traditional model" because they're raised to believe they want it. Others genuinely want it because they want to be parents, want the stability and security of marriage, want to know that someone loves and will work through problems with them no matter what life throws at them.

Growing up, I always balked at marriage, thinking it was stupid and for suckers. Then I met someone whom I couldn't imagine life without. And now, I love being married. I love working out issues and problems in our lives, helping each other, the trust and security we share. Now, knowing what I have in my marriage, I can understand why others want it.

Originally Posted by ILUV2 View Post
He has told me many times that he'd love to be able to introduce me as his girlfriend...but is not sure of the response.

I'm beginning to believe that if he is up for it he should just do that. My husband is agreeable.
I have to say, he's in a bit of a difficult situation.

How could he be expected to believe that you're his "forever girl" when you wouldn't even let him introduce you has his girlfriend? That doesn't seem considerate of his feelings and needs.

The way it looks to me is that he's your dirty little secret from the rest of the world. That's a tough pill to ask him to swallow forever. You're married with kids, and as he sees it, he'll always be second place to all that. If he wants kids and marriage and the whole package, he'll never have it with you, unless your husband and boyfriend would be willing to all live together, with you married to both of them.

It's a great feeling to know you're the most important (non-child) person in someone's life, and while he may give you that feeling, he doesn't get it returned from you. Your husband is more important. He's the man you "allow" to introduce you as his partner, not your boyfriend.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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