Thanks for so many replies, folks. Very much appreciated!
Regarding possible medical causes for the low sex drive, I haven't had a full workover done, but basic blood tests didn't find anything abnormal. I know a few of the psychological issues that are contributing (and yes, lack of couple time is one of them - in addition to the early bird 4 year old, we've got a night owl sister-in-law and her 13 and 6 year old sons in the bedroom across the hall), but don't have an immediate fix for them. The sister-in-law tries to go visit other relatives as often as possible, but she and the boys have school, so it's usually only weekends they can get away, and sometimes not even then. They will be with us a couple more years at least. We also sometimes send our daughter to visit her grandparents, and all three of them love that, but it's not something we can do every day!
I am looking into getting an IUD, which may help with another of the underlying psychological problems - I've had two miscarriages (after our daughter was born) and now is a bad time for another kid even if I were prepared to deal with the possibility of that again, which I'm not.
Regarding his opinion, I have brought the possibility up briefly during angsty heart-to-hearts over this problem, but it's not something we've sat down and discussed seriously. His reaction so far has been mixed. He's had open relationships in the past, but only two were more than short flings or friends-with-benefits situations, and even those two were just a couple years apiece. It has been a long-time fantasy of his to have a threesome with me and another woman (he's had several with previous girlfriends and enjoyed them), and he often pretends there's someone else in bed with us, but "she" always disappears at the end. Ultimately, it is me he wants. I guess I'm just afraid that if this keeps up, it will start driving a permanent wedge between us. As I said in my original post, he's been very patient, but I can see he's frustrated and sometimes hurt by being turned down so often.
redpepper and magdlyn, thanks for sharing about your recoveries from this problem - it's comforting to know there's still hope!
vodkafan and MonoVCPHG, thanks for the warnings. I do think you're right that seeing him sharing an emotional (romantic) connection with another woman would be much more devastating than a physical one. He's certainly been capable of casual sexual relationships and one night stands - he had many in college - but maybe less so now. You've definitely given me food for thought.
Last edited by researching; 09-11-2010 at 11:44 PM.
Reason: clarifying detail