I am sad
I had a very hard day emotionally with my BF, yesterday and it went on through the night.
He is monogamous, he knew the situation when we got involved. We have worked through some issues. My husband is down with most everything about the situation, until the last week or so. I take full responsilbity for my part in all of this.
My previous BF, was married and not happily, his wife knew about our relationship, but said don't bring "it" home. He had cheated in the past and brought that girl home. I never disrespected there relationship and he was careful with mine. However, things changed for us and we broke up in the beginning of July.
An acquaintance and I started talking about his divicorce. It happened very gradually however, things took a turn and he and I fell in love. DH was onboard everything was good. I stated from the start I would never leave my husband. However, somehow in this I think we both dreamed of a future, me with him living in the same house with us. Him with me leaving my husband. Then last weekend occured and I had a horrible fight with my husband about a long standing problem (non sexual) I told my husband I wanted a divicorce and stayed away from him for the day. I talked to BF during this time period. I was pretty much isolating myself from everyone but my child. My BF heard the words divicorce and got it in his head this freed the way for us. Husband and I had a talk and things were resolved, however with me knowing this was always going to be an issue for us. Monday, the holiday came around and we had another huge fight. Afterwards, we tried to talk about how we could communicate more effectively and he became disrespectful and I finally said I just can't do this anymore. I do not use the D word lightly, and up until a year ago rarely. We had a major incident a year ago, that almost destroyed us totally. Once again, non sexual.
I didn't see BF monday, but talked to him a bit. I isolated again and then finally calmed down enough to be rational to speak to husband again. He was very remorseful about the disrespect he had shown me. I know it came from a place in his heart. So I forgave me and we worked it through.
I did tell BF about this.
So apparently BF, started making plans in his head for us to be togather after everything was settled with his D. So friday, he brought it up after we were intimate and I have no clue how it came up. However, he finally got that I wasn't leaving DH for him. He pulled back and really freaked out. I was quiet upset and he had to leave for a business lunch. The way we ended things, he felt I had broken up with him. I usually chat with him online after lunch and didn't come online, as I had some stuff going on with my extended family and was dealing with that. He texted me and when I could get off the phone, he had left me three letters begging me to forgive him.
So we talked things out and we were good I thought. I knew he had his kids last night. So he asked me to chat with him or talk on the phone. So because my husband was asleep we ended up chatting and got into an intense place. He ended up telling me he had thought everything through and even though he loves me, everything has changed for him. He says "our song is wrong now". He says he still has romantic love for me, still wants to be togather but he has withdrawn in my feelings. We tried to work it out and agreed to continue the relationship.
However, my feelings are hurt, confusion and truly extreme hurt. My husband is angry that he feels disrespected by BF. Truthfully he was, and is angry he has hurt me. I don't really know what to do. I just know I feel really fragile right now.
BF and I aren't seeing each other today (he has his kids still ) and i have a family thing all day tomorrow. He has plans with friends tomorrow night. So I won't see him till monday. I got this really formal email from him, a few minutes ago. I think he isn't sure how to act. I do know that he has never had an honest relationship before. He has never been his true self with anyone before me. I also don't know how I can back up how I feel with this sudden change from you are the most important person in my life to, I still feel romantic about you.
So I am sad and confused. Maybe I should just end things.