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Old 09-11-2010, 07:27 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Ragabash View Post
More than any of that, though, you should do it for yourself. Don't put yourself in the position of doing things you might not want to do just to make him happy at the cost of your own happiness. If you choose to go the direction of an open marriage, you need to do it because it's what you both want.
Oh I SO want to echo this. Please, please don't do anything for him! He is a good man for being patient, but I don't think opening your marriage is going to help AT ALL if you are where you are now. It will just complicate things.

Be patient my friend. You have a 4 year old it sounds like. I got my drive back around the time my boy was 5. I mean really back! I just kept at it until my hormones changed. PN, my husband and I watched porn together, talked about fantasies, masturbated together, had basic connecting sex (missionary is very connecting) and then my drive began to rise. Now it's back where it was... which is similar to where you were. I would suggest that that woman is still there, just your hormones haven't changed back enough yet. They will eventually if you are patient, but if you start messing around with an open relationship and getting stressed out that your man is not happy then I fear it could keep you from getting there.

If upon taking this into your own hands nothing changes to your sex drive, perhaps some couples therapy and medical assistance would be a good choice and worth exploring.

Quath brings up a good point that it could be that your drive will increase if you add others to your relationship and you might find that eventually you are interested in experiencing that. Go for it if you feel you are ready and have done a lot of processing about how that would manifest, what your goal is with that kind of lifestyle. But please don't try that out in the state you are in right now. You need to be confident, secure, and feel empowered to be able to say no to it as much as yes... even in the moment it could happen that another is in your sex life...

I say "another in your sex life" because no matter how you think of it in terms of your husband with another or others, this other persons WILL be a part of your life because once he goes there, there is no turning back and you will have to deal with the out come. It might be a one night stand where he never sees the person again, but that kind of energy can last a life time in a relationship. Be prepared for that. It could change a perfectly good connection into a devastated one.
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Last edited by redpepper; 09-11-2010 at 07:41 PM.
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