Hi, I'm Zen, Sage's poly partner. I don't normally participate on these forums, but I feel for you guys (TP, IM, Mr A), so here are my thoughts.
Your posts talk a lot about the sex issue, but not of the intimacy and cuddles and love making.
My deep connection with my significant other has been a celibate one, for over 5 years. No sex, lots of intimacy, nudeness, skin on skin, tickles, cuddles, laughter and body warmth.
Set aside 4-5 hours and have a romantic sensual encounter, massage each other, pamper each other, and forget about the sex for a while.
You may find, as I have, that there is "potato chip sex (TM)" and "3 course lovemaking". I used to eat a lot of potato chips, and it satisfies an immediate need, but you cant beat a 3 course meal for being totally satisfied, giving you flashbacks with that warm sustaining feeling for days afterwards. Like all good things, it takes a lot more preparation for the 3 course meal.