Originally Posted by Indigomontoya
The whole thing has made me doubt so much about myself, and that just feeds my own insecurities which in turn feeds TPs turn offs about lack of confidence I have in myself, my physical appearance, my job, everything...so it turns into a cyclical mess that sees no resolution, just a circle of pain. SO how do I stop the cycle? I want off this ride, I want back to being in a relationship with TP that is good and doesn't give me teeth grinding tension headaches. Oh we have our moments a lot of them, but there's this elephant in the room and he just keeps stamping his foot...go to hell elephant.
Just to clarify, my turn off is a lack of confidence, NOT Indigo's "physical appearance, job, everything" ...
It's more of a big white elephant that we've beat to death, going round and round in circles, not sure what to do about my ever-increasing anxiety surrounding sex, especially with Indigo. I've always had this anxiety, and my relationships go one of two ways: the anxiety gets better and our sex gets better, or the anxiety gets worse and therefore the sex gets worse.
This is now to a point now where I could go out with a stranger and have more physically
satisfying sex with them because there is no past. It's unfortunate for Indigo and I that my relationship with Mr. A has gone in the opposite sexual direction due to the fact that he has even worse anxiety than me surrounding his orgasm. Mr. A and I have both worked really hard to start overcoming our individual issues together, but I can't seem to transfer any of that work into the bedroom with Indigo and I.
Indigo is very easy to please. Any position, any place, anything works for him. And this was fun before my issues started taking over. Really, I can barely think of a handful of times where he's had to say, "Nah, this isn't working for me right now, so let's stop." Now, his ease and enjoyment of sex simply causes me shame and embarrassment at my own inability to achieve with him. To be honest, there's a touch of resentment there, too.
And of course, none of these emotions (which I do own), are of any help whatsoever when it comes to cumming.
This problem is breaking my heart. We want to fix it, but are truly stuck.