Originally Posted by sage
Hi and welcome, it sounds like you are going through a very painful experience.
You say these guys have been in polyamorous relationships before but maybe they have forgotten many of the differences between swinging and polyamory?
There is a world of difference and you need to make your boyfriend aware of your fears and take them seriously. Learn about polyamory yourself, educate your boyfriend and his girlfriend and set out your boundaries and needs, then negotiate.
That sort of sums it up in a nutshell but getting comfortable with polyamory is a process that can take a long time. There is plenty of help if you read the threads on here, also the poly/mono forum on yahoo and I started a blog (link below) to help me come to terms with my own poly partner.
All the best
I am trying to voice my concerns but he keeps telling me to stop worrying.. that if i keep on it is only pushing him away.. He said im freaking out because of things i am reading and i need to stop and just enjoy it that he isnt going anywhere and that i agreed to this so.. and what is he supposed to do now that we have established this we cant go backward.. Last night was wayyy better as far as giving attention to both and being more socialble however.. at the end of the night he kissed her and told her he loved her and that threw me for a loop..How does one balance all this.. How does one not feel as though she is competing.