Not sure how to proceed.. if its even possible
Good morning... I am thrilled to have found this site....and look forward to learning and understanding more.
My second husband and I have been married going on three years and together have four kids ages 21-10. We "opened" our marriage to others about two years ago. Originally it was the two of us enjoying others, but always together. That progressed to each of us enjoying others separately, but we always discuss everything. He knows who I was with and vice versa, no secrets, no cheating, and we know that we always come home to each other. Our basic agreement is that we dont play in our home, we always wear our rings, and we never ever lie about anything. It has worked well for us and we remain stable and solid and in love.
It didnt take long, tho, for me to realize that not only was looking for a playmate tiring, but I really didnt want a large amount of partners. I wanted one man that would be my ultimate friend with benefits. Hubby knew what I was looking for and desiring, and had no problems with it. He was surprised it took so long. In the mean time, I did find him a perfect partner.. and they were great together till she started freaking because she had fallen in love with him. She couldnt handle it and broke off their relationship harshly and hurtfully. We were all hurt, she was my friend also. He has since found another playmate/lover, and she is fabulous.
And then I met "him". The man I have been looking for... he was/is everything I desired. It didnt take long for both of us to realize we were in love. My husband was totally fine with my relationship, and gave me total freedom with him. For the most part I spent extra time with my "boyfriend" and regular time with my husband and children, and it amounted to a few late nights and and at least one overnight per week. My BF and I would meet occasionally for lunch and was just happy seeing each other with or without sex.
And then came the problem. He is a divorced man, five years younger than I am, and is still desiring a long term special someone. He realized that by spending time with me, although he loves me and our time together, people are starting to see us as a couple, which no longer makes him a single man and less likely to find a "forever" that he can introduce to friends and family as such. He is unable to reconcile his emotions.. his need for me and his need for "forever". He thought perhaps decreasing our time together would help.. allowing him more "single guy" time, but he was miserable (so was I). He thought that if we didnt go "out" where people would see us as a couple, it would be ok. But, again, he wanted to do "things" with me (we were always discrete though.. as I am married with kids). We are unwilling to no longer see each other, but I will do what needs done to ensure his happiness. If that means I wont see him .. then so be it. I want him to be happy and want him to find someone special. But if he stops seeing me and still doesnt find anyone (he admits that to this point he has met nobody that is what he wants.. other than me)... then putting our love on the back burner is pointless.
Is there a way to move forward with this relationship? This is something he has to come to terms with.. its his life ultimately. But he has asked me what to do. I can and will advise, but I cant decide for him. Of course I want him, but not if he's always going to feel that he's missing out on something.
Maybe this long winded post is pointless. Maybe I've already answered all my questions. But I would love any input and thoughts from those that have been there done that.....