You don't know anything about his drug use--can you say whether or not he uses anything else? Can you say for certain he doesn't also shoot up while sharing needles? Seriously, dude, if you don't know for certain what he does or doesn't do, the responsible course of action is to use as much protection as possible. For me, should my wife do anything so irresponsible as what you've described your wife doing, the course of action would be simple: no sex until he's gone and after getting tested, with protection used for six months or so to make certain he left nothing behind.
As for the lies and such--well, there isn't much of a relationship in the aftermath of that, and certainly not a marriage. There'd have to be a lot of apologizing and serious communicating--and probably serious counseling for her--to keep me from a date with the divorce attorney.
I can see why you'd feel emasculated, because it appears to me she chopped your balls off. That you seem to be okay with that is something I find sad, though it's your life to live. You appear to be bending over backwards to make excuses for her, so I have to wonder why you posted here to get feedback.
When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.
While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.