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Old 08-06-2009, 07:10 PM
AJbear77 AJbear77 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 23
Default I don't know xyz

I would love to know why, too. I have narrowed it down to a couple of good ideas:

-I was not hardly around any men as I was growing up because of my mom's own intimacy issues with men. I did not even meet my father until I was 15. But on the rare few occasions my mother was with a man in my life, her attention turned from me to the man she was with...and I felt forgotten and abandoned. This was hard as I was an only child and the focus of my moms attention until the men entered the picture. This is only something that has even come into my mind in the past few days as an 'Aha' thing.
-My only past girlfriend and my first love, left me for a man.
-I am a very attractive gay female that is decently feminine and no one ever suspects I am gay. I am very confident about who I am and what I am able to offer as a woman and a lover. No other woman threatens me about that. Not so with a man. I don't like the idea that a man can penetrate her and I can't. This is WAY more intimacy than I am able to have...the ability to feel her inside, and I don't want to share her in a way that I am not able to have her if that makes sense. A man can do whatever I am able to do (although probably not as well ; ) )

That is about all I have come up with so far. I know I need to work on my unhealthy attitude towards men. I mean, they are fine so long as they are not a threat to me concerning my near and dear. I am not a man hater.
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