Yeah, I get how that can happen. It can sometimes be hard to verbalize our needs, and I know that I sometimes can't even figure out how to articulate what I'm feeling. Try an activity, like hiking, that you both agree on, and that you can't be distracted from by a laptop, and I'm with you, I think it should be scheduled, at least for a while. I remember a while ago, Easy and I were having trouble connecting, and I'm ***really*** affected by touch, so Asha (really wise girlfriend) suggested we set up scheduled cuddling time every day where we just dropped everything and paid attention only to each other. It felt artificial to have it scheduled, and for a while I was still angry that he needed to be told to cuddle with me, but I was also amazed at how much better I felt overall. It did make a difference in our attempts to reconnect.
Also, although I heartily approve of family time, if your wife is going through a period where she's trying to find her identity outside of mommy, it's going to be helpful to make sure that the two of you have time *away* from the kiddos. As moms, we sometimes forget that we have a right to be our own person, and when we look up and find that we lost ourselves somewhere can be incredibly frightening and stifling. Having time without the kids will help remind her that you see her as a person and not just mommy, and remind her that you're more than just daddy, too.
ETA: LOL Redpepper beat me to the punch.