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Old 09-07-2010, 07:37 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Hi AP, I totally get what you're saying. I get what your wife is going through too.

My PN was so patient with me when my kid started kindergarten and I got some freedom back. I met Mono that year and went out several times a week on dates and to go dancing (on my own). Freedom at last! It felt so good to have my body back and start thinking about me. It took about a year to get through that. I would think she is thinking similarly. I'm sure she recognizes the imbalance but just needs a break.

Where does that leave you, well, maybe if you make some plans for yourself and get out of the house yourself. Ask her for a divided week. Two days home, two days out, two together and one throw it up in the air day. Whatever works for you. This is how we started. Now I still spend two nights at my OH (other home).

I was so angry when PN started talking about my staying home more, because I needed to get to it myself, but I recognized that he also had needs and agreed to some of it. That balancing act continues to this day. We ask for what we need as soon as we can articulate it. It takes practice, but no recentment is built and we are both as happy as we can be with our lives. It helped that he has had his own nre for me to be on the receiving end of.

I do think its all NRE still though. Read anotherconfused thread of what happens under the influence. Her story is the craziest I've ever seen. Your wife has a lot, her new found freedom on top of it!

Keep at it and if you can, give her as long a break as you can without busting. I would let her know you are doing that though, nothing was more relieving than PN telling me I deserved a break before letting me know it had to end at some point or lesson. At least I knew he recognized that.
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