I had run myself ragged with this whole new "being social again" experience. Took me a while to catch up on the sleep, which explains my absence from the forums. I am still having a blast.
I was having a problem though. On OKCupid, there's a profile section called "What I'm doing with my life." and I really, truly had no idea what to say. It was even worse when people asked me questions relating to that. I was sort of like... uh... I dunno. Not that I felt intimidated by the existential nature of the question, it's just that I was firmly in a transition phase, and the answer really was "building new relationships and working on being a better person" which is not a small thing, but does not tend to lend itself well to easy conversation that refrains from getting too philosophical or personal.
Also, the question of "what do you do for fun?" or "what have you done lately" sort of ate at me, because my answer was essentially the same: building new relationships and working on being a better person. I was truly passionate about it during the transition phase, and it was the only thing I was really focused on doing, the only thing my brain was ticking away at during the quiet moments. Sure there were things I *liked* to do, but there wasn't anything I was currently doing that seemed appropriate for new conversation.
I think I'm finally over this hump. I'm finally making time for the sleep I need, and there's much more balance in my life. And funnily enough, my life just got much more interesting. I certainly have no lack of things to talk about anymore. Take my weekend, for example:
I had a very busy weekend that still managed to feel low key. On Friday, my husband and I hiked Thunderbird Falls for the first time. The weather was beautiful, and there were mushrooms everywhere. I saw the biggest devil's club leaves there, huge things nearly two and a half feet across. They were almost big enough to be umbrellas!
Saturday I signed up for a gym membership, made some jam with a friend, and put together some new bookshelves and rearranged furniture. Sunday we spent the day at the State Fair, and even though it was raining, I wore a bright green coat and a flower in my hair and felt cheery in defiance of the weather. We had a lot of fun this year, got nearly everything on my shopping list, and even saw the guy who was free-flying exotic birds. That was very cool, especially since we have so many scary predator birds around that could have frightened them off. We stopped and picked up some movies on the way home and had a quiet evening.
Monday was both relaxing and productive. I finally got the part to fix my spinning wheel, so I took it out of storage and refamiliarized myself with it. It's been out of commission for over a year, and I had forgotten how much I truly enjoyed the meditative qualities of making yarn. I'm interested in getting my business up and running again, but we'll have to see what shape those plans take.
The most important part is that I really felt like I reconnected with my husband. I had somehow gotten into the habit of thinking he didn't like to do any of the things I liked to do, so I didn't ever ask him to do anything with me. No wonder I was so desperate to get out! We've had a wonderful time doing things together again, and I won't let it slip through the cracks like that in the future.
We had a very fulfilling talk about sex on Saturday night. Suffice to say that I had been really pushing aside my needs and that I needed help enforcing the fact that I needed certain things in order to feel fulfilled. Sexytimes ensued where he was a ruthless enforcer, and we got to bed several hours late (*cough* 4am). That probably did more to make me feel better than any amount of talking could have done.
All in all things have been fabulous.