View Single Post
Old 04-11-2009, 10:35 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188

The point I was trying to convey is this: "Normal" people don't broadcast their relationships far and wide. If we want to be seen as essentially "normal"--meaning that it's no big deal that we have multiple relationships--then we are probably better served by acting in "normal" fashion, which means not going out of our way to broadcast our relationships.

That doesn't mean hiding them. It means treating them as mono folk treat theirs. Nothing more or less.

My close friends know we're poly. The coworkers I spent the most time with know it. Some of my family members know it. The rest don't because it's never come up in conversation--and for no other reason. Some may think I'm married because I've mentioned a wife. Others may think I'm single because they've not heard me mention a wife, though they have heard me mention a girlfriend.

I've never treated having a wife and girlfriend as a big deal, because it's normal for me--and I treat it as a normal thing when speaking to anybody else. If we treat it as normal, somebody newly exposed is more likely to treat it as normal. If we offer it up as spectacle, then they're more likely to treat it as something weird.

Only some mono folk want us out of sight. Most don't care. I prefer to treat the discomfort of the former as something weird and as a spectacle; I do not treat my relationships that way. I fear a large-scale coming out day offers our relationships up as a spectacle--and NOT as a rebuttal to or rebuke of the extreme mono folk.

Last edited by AutumnalTone; 04-11-2009 at 10:39 PM.
Reply With Quote