We had a decent afternoon. It wasn't at all what I wanted to be doing for my birthday, but it was okay for the most part... Once evening came I started to feel no so great again. Korre brought up when he can see Amber again and that hurt me. They're already telling each other they love each other at this point, something which took him MONTHS with me, even though she keeps saying it's no strings attached. It also took him months to take me camping, which is something we talked about the very first time we talked. I was feeling very hurt, lonely, rejected... and like he was going to fall in love deeper with her, that their relationship would be stronger because the feelings developed so strongly so fast. He is horrible at explaining emotions, so everything out of his mouth was logical, but I could tell much of it was emotionally based... and I could tell there was emotion for her. I was just so very hurt. They texted a little that night and she asked for my phone number. She texted me happy birthday. I apologized for my actions the night before and we said good night.
Korre and I went to bed feeling okay, but I still had a lot of negative feelings towards him.
Monday was a busy day... We bought a new truck. Do you know how hard it is to find a wheel for a '91 Dodge Dakota without going to a junk yard? Nearly impossible. The truck was a planned purchase, the popped tire just sped it up. Amber and I talked via text message pretty much all day. There were times during the day when I felt depressed and angry at Korre, but other times that were happy and lighthearted. I did enjoy talking to her. That night my husband went on the 2 hour drive each way to get the rest of our stuff out of the old truck that was still in the woods, before we had it towed away the next day. When Korre got home we talked and fought a bit. There were a lot of hurt feelings from both of us. We didn't eat dinner, waiting for Jon to get home. He got home after midnight, and I was tired and broke down bawling in the kitchen. Jon held me for a while, and we went outside so I could have a cigarette. When I came in I was still feeling very down and I walked in to see Korre standing in the living room texting her. That hurt me bad... I had already made a comment that night about him texting her so much.
Tuesday morning I woke up depressed... I have not been this depressed since shortly after 9/11 when I was already suffering a breakup and my grandmother's death when thousands of Americans were killed by psychos with a few flying lessons. Anyway, my emotions up to this point led Korre to decide he wasn't going to talk to her anymore until I was comfortable with it. He decided that, not me. I never even suggested it, and even rejected the idea when he suggested it the day before. I do NOT want to restrict him. He told her that Tuesday morning. She and I continued to talk most of the day, and I was realizing that she was being very superficial with me. I opened up to her so much, sharing my feelings, admitting my flaws, apologizing, and thanking her for talking to me... But she never did anything of the like. Two days of nearly non-stop texting and I still feel like I know nothing about her other than what Korre's told me. That night Korre and I tried to talk about this some more, which we have done every night, and I absolutely HAD to know what he texted her that night while I was crying. He told me... Apparently before he got off work she sent him a sexual message, and he was responding with like... while I was crying because I felt like he didn't care about my feelings. Wow, you know? I don't understand that at all. I don't know how he could do that to me. His defense is that he was hoping she would reply so they could just talk. He needed someone to talk to... That makes sense, I suppose. He was just replying to her last message to see if she was still up... But it still hurts that he could even do that. I caught him in an omission when he said "I haven't talked to her today besides to send her that message saying I wasn't going to talk to her." He had been texting her that morning. Not like it matters, but what's with the lie? Then he admitted that she sent him a few messages during the day after he told her that he wasn't going to talk to her until I felt better... They were messages of horniness and love. So then I was not only angry at him for basically lying to me and just because I am still hurt, but now I am angry at her for what I perceive is her not respecting me. Korre told me to let he know how I feel, since we were still talking, and that her reaction would let him know if she was the kind of person he wants in his life.
In the morning I let her know, very tactfully, how I felt. She got mad. Apparently she doesn't get angry very often, but I just have a way of pissing her off. (Yeah, well, I've never felt jealous before, so I think we're even.) She accused me of taking her friendship with him away when she needs it also (he never told her it was HIS idea that he not talk to her). I said I felt she was being two-faced towards me for trying to be my friend while sending him those messages when she had to have known it would hurt me. Friends don't send friend's boyfriend messages of loving them when their relationship is in peril. She asked me not to message her again. Fine. But, it even though the response was negative, it didn't change Korre's feelings. That evening I did get another message from her. When Korre told her he wasn't going to talk to her for a while he told her she could call me and Jon if she needs any favors, since she doesn't have a vehicle at the moment. So I got a message that evening asking if someone could give her a ride somewhere important the next day. Because of its importance, I told Korre to go ahead and take her, and she asked me permission to call him. They arranged for Korre to take her one way and Jon to take her the other since Korre would need to be at work. As it turns out, we stayed up until past 8 am that night/morning talking, and I slept in Korre's bed with him for the first time since this all started. We asked Jon to take care of it in the morning since Korre still had to work and would get no sleep if he had to drive out to where Amber was staying to get her to her appointment in time to then get to work. Things didn't go well for Jon on the second trip. He ran into traffic, then had to wait around for an hour for Amber's mom to bring her stuff, and had to drive Amber's baby back along with Amber and her friend. The only warning Jon got of this was a voice mail that she left on my phone that he never got, after the initial call saying she was ready to be picked up. Jon is the one who likes babies the least of the both of us. I don't like them, but Jon really dislikes them. Plus, it restricted him from smoking while driving because the baby was with them. This event made us all feel like she was taking advantage of us, and for a whole day Korre didn't even have the urge to ask me when he could see her again. We did have another little tiff that night, but it was just over hurt feelings and not understanding.
On Friday things were generally good. We talked about our feelings, and have been more able to discuss what we really want and need from each other. We looked up some websites. Korre found one with a whole bunch of tips and advice on polyamorous relationships, including things on secondary relationships, new relationships and so on. It looks like we have a lot of reading to do... And I found this site.
Saturday has been good. We've been able to talk more about what we need, want, and expect. We are both able to admit our faults (we have been throughout this whole thing, but we seem them more clearly now), and we see where we both went wrong. Jon, Korre, and I discussed us all having a talk with Amber (mostly me and her, it seems), if she still wants to give this a try, to see if we can work this all out. There has been a serious lack of communication between her and myself, and between her and Korre.
--I typed that up last night but didn't post yet. Today is Sunday again and we are getting ready to go pick up Amber to have a talk with her. I really do hope things go well.
Both Korre and I feel like this didn't have to happen like this and it didn't have to be this hard. If boundaries would have been properly set and followed, we could have done this with minimal hurt feelings. We weren't prepared at all.
I would really like some feedback and some support in this situation. I do want things to work out. I don't want to be hypocritical or unfair.