Sorry I find the quoting thing really hard to use so I've bolded my responses it's going to look weird but please bear with me.
Originally Posted by Rachelina
I guess my question is, is there any hope that I could come to accept this situation?
Yes of course there is hope I for one am living proof and there are others. There is a link at the bottom of this post to my blog. Check out the post on jealousy and you will see that I was exactly where you are not that long ago. It has taken me a couple of years to get to the place I am today but the process would have been a lot smoother if I had done what your husband has suggested for you: researched and involved myself on online forums.
There is a lot of reading on my blog that will help and one of the reasons I started it was so that I wouldn't have to keep repeating myself. You are not alone in your experience it happens quite often and there are lots of people who have dealt with it and come out the other end stronger, better for it and with amazing relationships.
Have you seen situations like this where the initially hurt/reluctant partner was able to grow and eventually thrive in a poly situation?
I am living it
What can I do to deal with the pain and open my heart to this kind of love?
Firstly try to relax a bit and just breathe. Then read as much as you can and take baby steps to tackle each issue as it comes up. Remember that it's a process and will not all be better overnight.
The only other person I could imagine getting involved with is her, but I wonder if this is merely obsession - I have this intense need to know her, to know just who it is he fell in love with, to have the same experience even. Probably this is not healthy.
Depends, I think it's great that you have met and enjoy each other but I do agree with Redpepper about her age. I'd say enjoy her where possible but maintain a healthy protection around your heart it is obviously feeling very vulnerable at the moment and more than a little battered.
All this is complicated by the fact that she has just moved a great distance away. But she may move back to this area in a year or so, and will definitely be back for holidays and vacations, and will want to see my husband then. I feel like the distance will actually make it harder - instead of this getting resolved one way or the other, there will be this passionate email correspondence and this will remain a future potentiality for a very long time, which I don't know if I can deal with.
You have got more than enough to deal with right here and now don't let your mind wander into future possibilities that you have no control over and that may never happen.
I think you have the right sort of attitude to make this work.
Smiles and Hugs