Originally Posted by TruckerPete
Okay, I wasn't sure if she was drinking to extremes, or if perhaps her drinking was a trigger for you, but you've clarified that to be the former. I'm happy that husband agrees.
I can see where it might be wondered if I exaggerate her consumption levels; I've been guilty of not wanting to give her credit where it is due in other instances. But she is a binge drinker. A few of our friends who know her decide whether or not to invite her to social events entirely based on how appropriate her style of drinking fits in with the event and attending guests. She has caused scenes before and needed to be ushered home for the comfort level of others now and then. It won't fit in with clear and successful communication in the long run if she wants, needs, or even just simply prefers to continue to drink to excess.
But I know (through having to learn more about alcoholism and Al-anon meetings) that not everyone who drinks excessively is or becomes a real alcoholic and that there are even people who hardly drink at all that are alcoholics. There was even a time for me where I drank much much more than I do now. I only know that I will never allow myself to live in that dark place again. Not even for love. We have a child in the mix here to think about. Mine biologically and the child is quite perceptive. As well, being of an age to remember why my alcoholic ex (bio father) and I are not together anymore. It would make no sense to leave that situation only to have me and my child back in it for someone that is not biologically connected to the kid.
If she ends up not being a good candidate for us, its not the end of the world. It could end up being the same with my "J" for myriad other reasons. Husband is outgoing and has a decent streak of charisma; I'm sure he would meet someone else.