Yeah, I have asked some of those questions and I do actually have a really good poly-friendly therapist. Sometimes its just good to hear other opinions, ya know. She's said things like, this new love is stronger than anything she has ever felt. She doesn't however want to lose what we have just has a different opinion of how our relationship should look than I do. I do intend on working on it, but just don't know how long I can feel this sad for.
Also, the people I've been dating have been rather unsatisfying as far as potential partners for me. I wonder if maybe my wife and I really aren't a good fit and that I need to find someone that I could truly connect with, maybe a relationship like the one she is proposing would be allot more acceptable. The thing is, I don't know how healthy it would be to start another relationship under those pretenses... this is all around the hardest thing I've ever been through.
Regardless, Im going to try and remain calm and definitely continue to work at things. Thanks for your kind response.