Originally Posted by redpepper
what am I not getting, please do tell. Anyone else think I'm off base?
What you are not getting: The concept that mongamous people operate under a set of "rules".
Rules imply imposing restrictions to control behaviour. Monogamous people, who are actually monogamous and not just behaving monogamously, don't need rules and boundaries to govern their behaviour. They behave a certain way and interact with their partners based on natural tendencies, not because they can't or aren't allowed to do something. That is also why the idea of ownership or possessiveness is not valid within a monogamous couple who are actually monogamous. When I was happily
married and connected I didn't have intimate relationships with other women. Why? Not because I wasn't allowed under the "rules" of monogamy. I didn't have those relationships because I didn't need or want to. There was no desire.
The necessity for rules and boundaries is something I have only experienced in a non monogamous relationship. I don't understand why anyone who feels like they are bound or restricted by the conditions of a relationship would stay in it. To me, that is unsustainable.