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Old 04-11-2009, 06:00 PM
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River River is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: NM, USA
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Originally Posted by SeventhCrow View Post
"And expecting most poly folk to line up to announce to their communities involves a carnival atmosphere--do mono married folk all line up to broadcast far and wide the fact that they're married?"

There is much in what you have said with which I am in basic agreement, and all of it deserves to be heard and considered, but the remark I have put in quotes here seems to me rather ridiculous. Married mono folk are not intensely stigmatized (and fundamentally misunderstood) by our socity and are therefore not challenged in those ways which cause many people to prefer living in a closet to being openly and hontestly themselves in social and public life. They have no need to organize a coming out day or "broadcast" their relationship modality, because they are doing and being what society expects, even demands, them to do and be.

The "demand" I speak of is generally not so much a legal one as a matter of taboo. So one is legally free in our socity to practice polyamory while not being at the same time fully socially free to do so. There have been and there remain signicant social consequences for breaking the taboo in question.

Many polyamorists I have spoken with agree with me that polyamorists can benefit from a national or international "coming out day" because (a) there is a presently unmet need for public education about polyamory as a lovestyle option, and (b) because many polyamorists live, to some degree, in The Polyamory Closet and might choose to come out of that closet in the atmosphere of mutual support and solidarity which a national/international coming out day would generate.

I agree with you, however, about the risks and dangers of a "carnival atmosphere" and of "parades" and suchlike. This isn't necessary and probably will not be helpful. I also agree with you about the risk and danger of attention-hungry parade and carnival lovers who want to push the public buttons only to create flashy sparks or a public spectacle--or maybe to act out their woundedness by poking at the "uptight". These are legitimate concerns. But they are not reason enough to pooh-pooh the desire of social change activists to publically challenge our society's stigmatization of EVERY sort of nonmonogamous lovestyle.

Yes, there are risks and dangers in organizing a national or international poly coming out day, but I am among those of our persuasion who think those risks aught to be taken for the potential liberation which only such risk might catalyze and facilitate. This is mainly due to the potential of a feeling of solidarity which is almost certain to arise on such a Day, and not only among polyfolk, but also between polyfolk and our many allies and supporters.

In any case, I do believe that the monogomy-centered (or whatever to call them?) much prefer that we polyfolk stay in our closets, where we "belong" (as they would have it). They wanted gay/queer folk to stay in their closets, as well. And gay folk broke out of that closet because of the solidarity they felt with one another and because closets are notoriously painful places to live. Their rally cry was "Out of the closet and into the streets!". They knew they needed to be bold. I think we should be as well. We have NOTHING to be ashamed of, so why should we be so relatively invisible. And why should folks in these forums frequently report that they are "out with" their "close freinds" but not with their co-workers or with their families? This is not at all uncommon, and this divided way of living DOES create emotional pain and suffering as well as psychological challenges and problems.

Enough, already! Out of the closet and into the streets!
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