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Old 09-03-2010, 01:51 PM
fayeelizibeth's Avatar
fayeelizibeth fayeelizibeth is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 5

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I seem to have a different take that Ari.

oh dear do I ever recognize this story.

It's called too much too fast.
totally agree, i think i should have held off on the sex. but i can't go back and undo it, only learn from it. and really, i don't 'regret' it, if i only get that one good night with him sexually, then so be it.

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
there is a saying I like to keep in mind, "women have sex to become friends, men become friends to have sex." Okay, it's a total generalization, but I think this guy just wanted to see what it would be like to fuck you and that was it for him. If he had a crush on you, he was living a dream and perhaps you were too. Nothing wrong with that, but it could be.
it definitely could be that...

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
He either chose to mistake "poly" for "open" in relationship style, or just realized after that you aren't what he is looking for and is now content to text until you become disinterested or he gets horny again and wants to get laid. *edit after reading next post*-or maybe he just can't quite get that you could mean something special to him if you are married and committed. Mono means all to oneself, if that is what he is used to and desires he has some heavy decisions to make.
yes, i do think he mistook poly for open, which could be mostly my fault, as i didn't go in to great explanation before making out with him; it's not a topic that many people are knowledgeable about (which i'm sure you know)

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Sorry, this sounds so negative and maybe it is, but if you think about it, and put your feelings aside, perhaps you can see that casual one off sex is really quite normal and typical for a lot of men... and women, but mostly men. I don't know when you dated last, but this is kinda the usual. Perhaps this is what he is used to and all he expects.
now, that's where i disagree with you. i happen to know this guy is not one to have casual sex ordinarily. which CERTAINLY doesn't rule it out (and there's nothing wrong with casual sex), but he's only had sex with a handful of woman, and he was in relationships with them at the time. come to think of it, the sex itself may have been the 'scary' factor!

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Ya, I would pack it up and move on and learn from the experience. Next time, I would wait to have sex. If I really want to have a relationship with someone else, then I would wait and just spend time with them, see how it pans out a bit first, see if they are serious and are willing to educate themselves to poly first or at least talk more about it with you and others.

Your backing away might make him realize that he really wants you in his life and will step up with some thoughts. If nothing else, it would truly be backing away and giving him time. I think if it were me I would let him know that I am here, but giving him space and he can get a hold of you if and when he's ready.
thank you so much for the response! i certainly will be taking it slower 'the next time around' - i'll admit i got over-excited and jumped in too quick

as is with this guy, i like the idea of 'backing off' a bit, but i don't want him to think i've abandoned him as a friend; because, whatever happens with him, i'd like to remain friends, me and B have been on friendly terms with him since high school, and he is someone who's company i enjoy on a purely platonic level as well.

thank you again for reading and responding! i really appreciate all the thoughts!
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