Thread: Metamour love
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Old 09-03-2010, 07:22 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
My previous interactions indicate that I treat people the same under this title, that I would anywhere else in life.
what do you mean by this? what do you mean when you say you "treat people the same?" The same as what in terms of elsewhere in your life? Sorry, I am not understanding.

Mono has talked of conscious consideration when it comes to his metamours. The whole idea that what I do affects everyone is an important one. If I chose to not engage in a metamours life and just say hi when I see them, how does that affect them and our shared partner? I know I would be very upset on the recieving end of a casual "hi." I would feel disrespected and unappreciated. At one end I would feel that I am not worth as much as they are because they are the primary and therefore I am secondary in terms of value, and, on the other end I would feel disrespected as a primary; after all, it is my husband that you are dating and what the two of you do affects my home, my family, my child and our way of life. I would feel very strongly that a metamour work on a relationship with me especially as PN invests a lot in those he deems worthy of his time and affection. No fly by night loves for him. I guess it would be different if his loves were just mildly entertaining for a time and nothing to take seriously unless he stumbled upon more with one of them.

Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
I am thinking this is more important in poly relationships that don`t subscribe to a Primary/Secondary title ?

When I think about my husband and his dating, I can`t say I feel a need to make sure I know everyone he dates.
Really?! I would think it would mean more to those who subscribe to primary/secondary.... From my experience of others in a more casual, single style, dating kind of poly there is little to no interest of knowing someone else's partners other than knowing that they exist and who they are. There seems to be more of a pride and reassurance in knowing that ones partner has others and so do I, than knowing who those people are in any kind of close way. It almost seems like "phew, I don't have to worry about them wanting me all to themselves!" kind of thing.

I think people who have invested much more are more likely to want to invest in their partners lovers more... invest in their metamours more. After all, if a metamour disrupts the balance in some way as what happened with PN and my metamour, then everything is up turned... right down to my child being affected. If I had known her better, I could of maybe been more supportive to him in his time of sadness. I didn't know her very well, and was unable to be patient and forgiving at times... I don't think in a more casual kind of poly that happens as often.
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