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Old 09-02-2010, 11:32 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 2,872

First off, thanks for the introduction and congratulations on a seemingly smooth ride so far

Originally Posted by fayeelizibeth View Post
which brings me up to now, and my questions:
what is the chance that i could bring this young man into my life in a more boyfriend kind of way?
We can only guess. There can be a million things going on in his head and you just don't know. Hell, he doesn't even know if he is poly or open to being open

i certainly don't want to rush it, but i really really like him, and also don't want to loose him.
You like him, thats one half of the potential relationship

i have told him that i would like to live in a poly household, but i don't know if at the time he understood that it could include him.
Umm this is all new right? Imagine being mono for a second. Meeting someone and talking about marriage and living together? You might want to scale back your desires a bit and get with the dating first.

You poly family idea is something that should probably be discussed with D when D is actually dating you. Just my thought.

When I was "single" if a girl started bringing up moving in and marriage...well thats just crazy talk.

i have spoken with B (extensively) and while it is a long way off/not even likely we have discussed the possibility of me having two husbands (with B continuing to be my "legal" husband for reasons of health insurance, etc), and even the possibility of having children by both husbands, and B would be ok with that. B is especially pleased that i have chosen D, because B enjoys D's company and knows D is a great guy.

i'm pretty sure before this D had never considered poly (and even now, i'm not sure it's so much considering poly, as it is he considered being friends-w-benefits), how can i introduce the thought of me wanting to be with him in a more serious way without scaring him about the whole thing?
Good...b likes you
you love b
you like d
b like d
now you just gotta figure out if D wants to be involved in an open relationship with you and share you with your husband and even more innocently, does he like you that way after having shared some time with you?

He has asked you to give him time, leave it at that for now. Don't push. If its really bugging you...and in a couple of weeks really tearing at you, maybe write a letter explaining your desire to date and be in a relationship with him. However you want to phrase it. But some people don't like that kind of pressure

should i just continue to do what i am doing (texting him in a friendly manner a few times a day, going to his shows, and inviting him to hang out platonicly either with or without B- not that i try to disclude B, but he's very busy with school and volunteering, so sometimes he is just not around)? should i be doing something else?
Be his friend...flirt...guys aren't usually dumb and innocence is endearing sometimes (I don't know about others, but my girl friends's and I regardless of our relationships flirt...maybe that isn't the same for everyone though). He needs time and who knows he might have pushed back because he is scared of his own baggage. As a friend you can talk to him and find out more about him, expand on the relationship and maybe someday move it into dating.

i know one aspect of this will definitely be patience. and i know i may never get my wish, i'm prepared for that possibility/probability. but if there are any tips or thoughts to up my chances, or just support for my situation, i am thrilled to hear it!

thank you for reading! sorry it got so long!
Thanks again for sharing. Patience is one of my least favorite topics ever. Its also one I have had to learn the most over the last few months. Its been...interesting

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