i know the title's silly, but it will make sense, i promise
hi! i introduced myself in the intro board, but thought i'd give a summary here too before i delve into my 'issues': i'm 26, my husband is 24 (1.5 years younger than me), we've been discussing poly for a while (probably about a year now), but this is the first time it's been really acted upon, and it's happened differently than we expected;
ok, here goes:
we always thought that my husband (let's call him B) would find a girlfriend, that he would introduce her to me, and we would get along, maybe do the three-way thing, maybe not, i was pretty open to whatever occurred (as long as the incoming party was respectful of our marriage, and didn't try to "steal" him away or start unnecessary drama or the like), but that's not what happened.
instead, one day as i was browsing facebook, i came upon one of our friends from high school (male), let's call him D. i have ALWAYS had a crush on D, since we were all in high school together (that's me, my husband, and D all went to high school together, although i graduated two years before they did; D is the same age as B) which means that i have crushed on D as long as i have crushed on B. (also, B and D kinda grew up together, going to boy scouts and school together from a young age) well, was my mind blown when i saw that his relationship status was single!
i know D works near me, so, with B's blessing, i invited D to lunch. it went well. we talked easily, and had a great time, staying well past our work lunch hour to talk to each other. although the topic of me and B being in an open/poly relationship was brought up, it was more theoretical than actualized, in that i'm pretty sure at the time that D had no idea that i was crushing on him.
later that week, D came over to our house to chill and watch a DVD with me. at the time B was out running errands with his dad, and D and i were in the house alone. it started very friendly, chatting about life and watching the DVD, and we got to talking about poly again. at some point he asked if someone who got involved would have to be involved with both me and B (again, theoretically, or so i thought) and i said, no, making a "V" with my fingers and explaining a vee pol-configuration, explaining that my husband was certainly ok with that.
now at this point, my heart is beating a thousand miles a minute, because i'm thinking that D, who i am crushing HARD for, has no idea what i'm getting at (again, he is a year and a half younger than me, and he's pretty shy), or if he does, that i'm going to scare him away by being a weirdo.
then he asks if someone B is ok with me seeing is him. i can't even turn to look at him as i answer 'yes,' i'm totally freaking out. he says "oh" and he turns to look at the tv. one LONG second later he says "i may be ok with that" and i'm smiling.
after that we talk for a little while, and he says how HE has always had a crush on ME since high school! talk about a mind-f*ck (in a good way)! we start making out, and fool around for a few minutes. then he starts getting worried that B is going to come home and catch us in this position. i agree that although B is entirely ok with me seeing D, perhaps the way for him to find out is not in the middle of make-outs, so we calm ourselves down and plan to meet later in the week. D requests that i not mention what happened in front of B, because it would make him feel very awkward in front of B, although i assure him we aren't doing anything that would upset B.
B comes home, makes dinner, and we all eat, having normal conversation, not mentioning the previous activities.
when D leaves for the night, i tell B what happened, and he is happy for me.
the next day, i meet up with D after work. we go to his apartment, and proceed to have some pretty amazing sex. let's just leave it at that, pretty-damn-amazing. D kinda wants me to spend the night, but is worried that B will be upset, despite my arguments to the contrary. i even ask if he would like to call and ask B, but he's very nervous about it (although he does say he's sure B is fine with it, actually talking about it with B makes him nervous). anyway, I do go home that night at about 12:30am, planning with D to repeat the evening soon. I tell B about the evening when i get home, and he is happy for me.
a few days later, me and D meet for lunch, but he seems a bit distant. i try not to think about it too much, maybe he's just stressed at work.
(all this time i'm texting D a few times a day, trying not to be needy, just keeping him updated on my life and random thoughts, telling him he's awesome, things of that nature)
about a week after that, D (through text) says he wants to be "just friends," not due to anything i've said or done, but due to his last relationship leaving many "open wounds" and he "doesn't want to get intimate right now" (his last relationship was about 2 years long, and broke up about 6 months ago, although she only moved out of the apartment they shared about 3 months ago; she moved across the country, back to her parents house).
i sighed, and was a bit upset, but (again, through text) told him that that was ok, and asked if i could ask a question; he said fine; i asked if he would be perhaps ok with sleeping with me sometime in the future; he said "maybe, down the road, i have alot of thinking to do"
i accepted that, and have kept texting him friendly text messages.
a few days ago me and B went to see D's band (i told you there was rock n' roll!
) and D hugged me, and was very friendly and adorable.
which brings me up to now, and my questions:
what is the chance that i could bring this young man into my life in a more boyfriend kind of way?
i certainly don't want to rush it, but i really really like him, and also don't want to loose him. i have told him that i would like to live in a poly household, but i don't know if at the time he understood that it could include him. i have spoken with B (extensively) and while it is a long way off/not even likely we have discussed the possibility of me having two husbands (with B continuing to be my "legal" husband for reasons of health insurance, etc), and even the possibility of having children by both husbands, and B would be ok with that. B is especially pleased that i have chosen D, because B enjoys D's company and knows D is a great guy.
i'm pretty sure before this D had never considered poly (and even now, i'm not sure it's so much considering poly, as it is he considered being friends-w-benefits), how can i introduce the thought of me wanting to be with him in a more serious way without scaring him about the whole thing?
should i just continue to do what i am doing (texting him in a friendly manner a few times a day, going to his shows, and inviting him to hang out platonicly either with or without B- not that i try to disclude B, but he's very busy with school and volunteering, so sometimes he is just not around)? should i be doing something else?
i know one aspect of this will definitely be patience. and i know i may never get my wish, i'm prepared for that possibility/probability. but if there are any tips or thoughts to up my chances, or just support for my situation, i am thrilled to hear it!
thank you for reading! sorry it got so long!