Nk- If you really want me to I can berate you via PM.
But let's focus on the op's kinks for now, shall we?
I admit I had to skip through some of the original post because it was really graphically and definitely a fantasy. I also wondered if you were just on here jerking off.
I am interested to hear from others suggestions on how to communicate that the door is open while not pressuring her.
Have you ever laid out for her just how far this fantasy has developed in your head? That would be a good place to start. Also realize that this fantasy is your need and not necessarily hers, so approach it that way. Perhaps the two of you could find a way to satiate your fantasy without you putting her outside of her comfort zone.
Whatever you do, be sure that anything that happens is something that she wants, not something she is doing for you. It sounds like you feel very lucky to be loved by this woman and that is the grounding fact that hopefully allows you to focus on what is real and mutually beneficial. You come off as a bit obsessed, and that can be very harmful if you can't keep it in check.