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Old 08-06-2009, 01:11 PM
idego idego is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 5
Question What's the right thing to do?

Hey folks! I'm so glad I found this forum when I did, I could do with some advice from you lovely people!

I've just started a new monogamous relationship with a wonderful guy. However I consider myself to be polyamorous.

I'm 20 and previously I've had two 18 month relationships. In both cases I found myself attracted to other people whilst still being madly in love with my boyfriend. In the first one, I unwittingly tried to form a polyamorous relationship before I'd even heard of polyamory. Both me and my boyfriend had feelings for other people so I suggested we both pursued the respective relationships. However, he preferred the idea of him playing the field while I stayed faithful. Mmm, glad I got out of that one. In the second one, my boyfriend was monogamous through and through, so while he was quite understanding about how I felt on an intellectual level, there's no way he'd have been able to go through with it in practice. Ultimately there were other factors leading to both break ups but my polyamorous streak certainly contributed.

So what am I doing now starting another monogamous relationship? I guess I'd convinced myself right at the beginning that maybe this time it will be different. Maybe my new partner will fulfil my every desire and monogamous bliss will finally be mine. But deep down I know this is probably not the case.

So now, the question I am pondering. What is the moral thing to do? I reeeally like this guy and would love to have one of these traditional relationships but I'm not convinced it's possible for me. Right now, there isn't even remotely anyone else on the horizon, and I'm still worrying about falling for someone else and feeling all of the terrible guilt and frustration again, and ultimately hurting this lovely guy. It's still very early in the relationship and we've barely discussed anything "deep" so talking about this might be a little too full on already. It also doesn't help that I'm still quite young and he is verrry inexperienced when it comes to relationships, so I suspect that even if he might be suited to polyamory, he wouldn't necessarily be aware of it yet.

But yes, any opinions/past experiences would be greatly appreciated!

Sophie x
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