I think that metamour love is something far more to be proud of than any other poly relationship dynamic. It's the most unique of all poly relationships I think... there is really nothing that can describe it. It's not the same as any other relationship dynamic that we as a culture understand... the only one I can think of is akin to a parent and child. A parent has to stand back and give their child space to be independent, yet love them and be standing at the door ready for anything if they are needed. they need to stand aside when they see their child learning their own lessons and pacing their own path with others. All the while just loving them for who they are. Very tricky with metamours this way and very difficult to maintain in a relationship that often is put upon a person rather than a parent... This is still not a good fit to describe the love between committed metamours, but that is the best I have come up with so far. Anyone else have thoughts on this?
Its no wonder that people new to a relationship and especially new to poly have a hard time. It's hard to accept a new metamour no matter how keen a person is and then there is the added confusion of it just not being familiar! I don't think our brains recognize such a relationship. Until a person decides that it might just be best to leave it and pave a new path, the brain just seems to be unable to budge from looking for a recognizable path to understanding...
I think often this confusion is mistaken for the confusion that comes from not understanding someone or how we are suppose to now be a part of their lives just because our partners are having a relationship with them... maybe people don't object to a metamour as much as they object to trying to figure out what kind of relationship they are suppose to have with them!
I'm finding it hard to even talk about as I find there is little language to use on the topic... some words and thoughts are welcome.
Really, hats off to great metamours... they truly are to be admired and celebrated.
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Last edited by redpepper; 09-01-2010 at 03:50 AM.