New member with a problem
Hello. I am a married 46yr old woman with questions. I found out this past July that my husband was cheating on me with a 29 yr old for the past 6 months. Only, he is justifying it by saying he is poly and so is she and this is something he discovered 2 years ago, only I never knew about it. I first asked if they were having sex and they both said no. I said I would keep an open mind, even though I was and still am, totally devastated by this. I actually agreed to meet this girl and the 3 of us went out 2x, although I was not comfortable at all. She kept looking at my husband with star crossed eyes and I was not prepared for that. Yes, I am jealous and having a hard time dealing with all of this. Then I found out 2 weeks later that they were having sex and that blew my mind because they were both telling me that poly has rules and they couldn't have sex without my approval, etc..only to find out that they were both liars. I wrote some hateful things to her, mainly calling her out on her "poly" rules.
I asked my husband to quit all contact with her; that I would continue to read about polyamory and that we could work on repairing the trust in our marriage and our marriage as a whole. Yes, we were having troubles-lack of sex, me concentrating on the kids, he concentrating on work..... I said that we could revisit this in 6mo-1yr. That I need more time.
When she is not in the picture, it is easier. But she just facebooked him in a flirtatious way and he wants us to go see her again. I know I am jealous and fearful of her even though my husband says he will always love me and we are strong, but I don't see why he can't "quit" her. He knows it is causing me angst, sleepless nights, and causing us to fight.
Any help in understanding this would help. I think it is because they crossed the line in my book. Because they were deceitful and hiding their tryst, I think the poly card they are using is just an excuse for their behavior.