Wow. I am almost speechless at the responses. ....almost.
Seems to be a lot of prejudgement going on, based on reading some other spinless adventures on the board.
You may not like how the wife has been, and the fact she feels she owns her own body, but give credit, where credit is due.
She came to her husband FIRST. She has told him how she feels beforehand. She has been honest enought to admit she doesn`t want him to engage in other relationships, but has told him he is free to because it`s fair. She is acknowledging her selfish feelings, and over-riding it because she cares for him to have the same opportunities. Anyone here ever have a selfish feeling and admit it, yet do whats right regardless ?
How many other threads have we read where parties cheated, and husbands didnt want the wife to date ? Those people got better advice and compassion then this thread is getting. Role reversal in the way perhaps ?
To the OP : Every new situation has its rocky bits. The wife and you need to talk more. It is great that she is waiting for your acclimation, but she needs to back off the 'independence' angle. I think it comes from a fear she may have of this person being cut out of her life due to worries over jealousy.
She may feel she risked a lot telling you this. She may also think if she has all the 'compromises' figured out beforehand, that things will go better.
Compromise doesn`t work that way. She has messed up here.
goes through something like this, and handles it perfectly. We all look back and see actions we thought seemed smart at the time, and realized how our fears were controlling us.
Her fear of losing him has caused her to try and set one thing in stone. This will backfire. I would do some searches on articles about fear, and how to deal with opening up a previously monogamous relationship in a respectful manner. She needs to understand, that she has a better chance of this working out in the long term, if you truly feel included, appreciated and thought of in the decision.
Best of luck.
Definetly taking a hiatus from this board,...ughh.
Edit to add :That last part sounds hissy, and drama-ish. Not meant to. Just rolling my eyes and taking a walk through a different part of the park.